


hey there stranger (Stop texting me.)

by ExquisiteRose



Category: Psych
Genre: AU, Gen, M/M, Shawn's text speech is abhorrent, Short Chapters, Texting, WIP, sporadic updates most likely, text fic, this is a trial run
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-19 01:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2368553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExquisiteRose/pseuds/ExquisiteRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some AU meeting blurb I started on my tumblr where Shawn accidentally sends Carlton a text meant for Gus, and how they can't seem to stop texting each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. week one: monday

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Text Talk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1651109) by [merlywhirls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlywhirls/pseuds/merlywhirls). 



> Hi, if you've clicked on this story, you'll probably hate me if you end up liking it.
> 
> I honestly don't know how long it is going to be, when I'll update, or why I am even posting this. I am curious about the fandom's reaction to this story, and I am just testing the waters.
> 
> This could stay just as it is (one chapter one-shot), or it could become longer sometime, I honestly don't know how it will play out. This had been three segments on my tumblr (S/C, C/J, S/C), but I realized those chapters would be _really_ short and combined them.
> 
> This was inspired by Text Talk by merlywhirls (a wolfstar fic), so format (bolding/italics/etc., summary similarities) and just inspiration for a text fic in general came from there.
> 
> This is not a prompt fill, this is just prompting from my mind because I have never seen a text fic shassie--and since it's WIP, we'll probably all hate me by the end of it. Yay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wrong numbers, star wars marathons, and stake-outs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Shawn is italics._
> 
> **Carlton is bold.**
> 
> Juliet is plain text.

(Monday, PM)

(4:07) _oMG gus, meet me @ the movies they are having a star wars marathon!!_

(4:07) _dont worry about work. for now just remember: ur mom is sick and so is ur cat._

(4:08) _ur cats name is pickles. mrs pickles specifically_

(4:09) **You have the wrong number, and you’re interfering with police work. Stop texting me. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:09) _carlton lassiter? gus if ur going to do a bit u rly need to work on ur name selection. dont be such a sour lemon. and police work? what kind of backstory did you create? grumpy and boring. c-_

(4:10) **I am the Head Detective of the Santa Barbara police department, and if you don’t stop texting, I will personally have your number traced and arrest you for hindering a police investigation. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:11) _wow buddy. i was wrong ur bit is actually not bad bumps u up to a b- a whole letter grade, it is dragging on a bit though. hurry up and get here dont forget the cuatro quesos dos fritos._

(4:12) **This is not a “bit”. I am Head Detective Carlton Lassiter, and I am in the middle of a stake out. I would stop texting you entirely if I wasn’t unsure that you would continue texting under some delusion that I am your friend or someone who even wants to text you. Stop texting me. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:14) _wow, harsh carly. my apologies det._

(4:16) **It’s Carlton. —Carlton Lassiter ******

(4:16) _i thought I was hindering a police investigation ? question: do I still get put in handcuffs if ur the one who keeps this conversation going? bcuz my skin bruises easily_

(4:17) **No-I was just. Nevermind. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:17) _alrite but now ur interrupting my movie._

(4:25) _so how is that stake out coming along?_

~*~

(4:27) There’s no one here. The Chief said we can leave.

(4:29) Carlton, we can leave. Let’s go get something to eat, we’ve been out here since noon.

(4:31) I’ll leave without you.

(4:35) … I’m leaving.

(4:37) Why aren’t you texting me back? You always text back right away. Usually you’re scary punctual.

(4:37) **Wow, Chatty Cathy. What are you, my mother? —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:38) Ouch. Are you okay? I thought you’d be happy we could finally leave??

(4:40) **… Are you texting and driving? —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:41) No. Don’t change the subject. What is up with you?

(4:41) **Nothing is up with me. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:42) We’re both detectives here. Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or are you going to keep trying to avoid this until I cite all the ways that I can tell something is up?

(4:42) That was a rhetorical question, Carlton.

(4:44) **I was texting somebody. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:44) You were texting somebody.

(4:45) **Yes, O’Hara, I was texting somebody. It’s a form of social media all the criminals are into nowadays. And I text more people than just you, you know. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:45) Wow, defensive. Carlton, are you sure you’re okay?

(4:46) **I’m fine. Are you headed over here? —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:47) Yeah, I’m just doing a quick perimeter check. Be there in two minutes.

(4:47) … who are you texting, btw?

(4:48) **Mind your own busi—he just texted back. This is getting ridiculous. I have to go, O’Hara. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:52) He?

~*~

(4:25) **I’d be able to pay better attention to the stake out if you stopped texting me. —Carlton Lassiter.**

(4:26) _but I had stopped txtn u for lyk two whole mins carly. ur the one who txtd me again. you started this._

(4:27) **It’s Carlton. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:27) **And I did not start this. You know what? I don’t have time to argue with you. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:29) _believe me i no ur name is Carlton, u have it as a signature. and really? a txt signature?? that is so two yrs ago. at least have a cool signature lyk senor pantalones de fuego._

(4:29) _get it? because ur a liar. u are at a stake out carly u have nothing but time._

(4:32) _r u going to ignore me now? as head det arent u a lil more mature than that?_

(4:35) **My partner just texted me. The stake out is over. Not that it’s your business, random stranger. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:36) _c u say “random” but we have been txtn for almost 30 mins. carly u cant deny our connection any longer._

(4:36) _and my name is Shawn btw_

(4:38) **I can say that, if I “know you”, you are officially one of the most annoying people I have ever met, and I’d like to terminate our acquaintance. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:40) _u say that but u dont mean it (; gus is here now. also the offer to come c the star wars movies still stands carly_

(4:42) **Asking you to call me by my name won’t work will it? — Carlton Lassiter**

(4:42) **How do you have a friend who puts up with this? —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:43) _ouch carly u r rly going for the heart arent u?? and ignoring my winky emoticon :(_

(4:44) **The heart? I doubt the opinion of a stranger is affecting your “heart”. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:45) _i happen to have a soft spot for grumpy and rude det who treat me w/ disdain. u and my dad would get along famously_

(4:45) **That sounded like an insult. —Carlton Lassiter**

(4:46) _it was. and don’t take this as an insult but take off ur signature grandpa. ur takin me back to the stone age._

(4:47) **Grandpa? I’m only thirty five. It probably seems like ages to you, considering you act like a twelve year old.**

(4:47) **(Are you happy? I took off the signature).**

(4:48) _i am only five or so yrs younger than u. except i no how to have fun while ur a grumpy det on a stake out_

(4:49) _(and yes thank u that signature was hurting my sensibilities)_

(4:50) **Five years younger? I’d guess twenty considering the way you text. And the stake out’s over remember?**

(4:50) **What sensibilities? I can’t. Why am I still texting you? You’re ridiculous. Goodbye, Shawn.**

(4:51) _if the stake out’s over come watch star wars. gus bought enough popcorn to make even a grumpy det lyk u feel better._

(4:52) _u called me shawn. not a “random” stranger anymore c?_

(4:54) _i have very delicate sensibilities which are getting hurt rite now :(_

(5:02) _bye carlton._


	2. week one: tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the new star wars movie, insomnia, and the bathroom debacle of 2005

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, i know, i know... where the hell have i been? tbh i have just had the worst writer's block and 0 interest to write at all, until recently, and you can thank jetra for that.
> 
> also i put text talk as an inspiration for this fic, and it was, but it also inspired formatting so i just wanted to make that official.
> 
> _Shawn is italics._
> 
> **Carlton is bold.**

(Tuesday, AM)

(6:15)  _hey lassiopolis_

(6:15)  _did u hear about the new star wars movie that's coming out?_

(6:16)  _gus and i are going to go see it on the eighteenth_

(6:17)  _i figured since u missed the marathon..._

(6:22)  **... Shawn.**

(6:23)  _carlytown! i thought u'd never reply!_

(6:23)  **... Do you have any idea what time it is?**

(6:24)  _idk like 6am o/s right?_

(6:24)  **Yeah, 6 am. No big deal.**

(6:24)  _exactly! early bird gets the worm and all._

(6:24)  _gus still gets mad, even though i stopped texting him at 4am after the Bathroom Debacle of 2005_

(6:25)  **I can't imagine why.**

(6:25)  **And Bathroom Debacle of 2005? Do I even want to know?**

(6:25)  _i texted him during his morning bathroom routine_

(6:26)  _and he, uh, might've dropped his work phone in the toilet bc the notification scared him_

(6:26)  **Wait... The notification *scared* him?**

(6:26)  _i should rly set the scene: the early morning after halloween, which means the morning after our halloween movie marathon_

(6:27)  **What is it with you guys and marathons?**

(6:27)  _shhhhhh, don't interrupt_

(6:27)  **... Fine, continue.**

(6:27)  _love the enthusiasm_

(6:28)  **...**

(6:28)  _anyway we watched all the typical movies, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Freddie Kreuger, etc._

(6:28)  _so i changed his ringtone for me to the theme from the Exorcist_

(6:28)  **I take it he wasn't aware you did that?**

(6:29)  _the following rant was unlike any the world had ever seen before_

(6:29)  _he even set a ban: no texts before 7:45am._

(6:30)  **7:45? That's pretty specific.**

(6:30)  _he has a very strict bathroom schedule_

(6:31)  _ **Sorry I asked.**_

(6:35) _so, any opinion on the new star wars movie coming out?_

(6:35)  **You're not going to let me go back to sleep, are you?**

(6:35)  _are u trying to tell me u were actually sleeping? u, mr Head Detective?_

(6:36)  _i bet my star wars ticket that uve been up since at least 5am_

(6:37)  **4:30am actually, but nice guess.**

(6:37)  _so u won the ticket... u coming to the showing?_

(6:38)  **You don't seem very upset that you just lost your Star Wars ticket in a bet.**

(6:38)  _it's np, i'll just buy a new one_

(6:38)  **...**

(6:38)  **Did you lose on purpose?**

(6:39)  _of course not. why would i pretend to not know that u actually wake up at 4am to go fishing? to lose my ticket to a v attractive police detective? so that i could buy a ticket and go see the movie w him? no way_

(6:39)  **I'm sensing a lot of sarcasm here.**

(6:39)  **Did you just call me attractive?**

(6:39)  **Wait, how do you know what I look like? And what time I wake up?**

(6:40)  _i'm psychic_

(6:40)  **...**

(6:41)  _oh relax, i promise i don't cyberstalk u._

(6:41)  _well, i did look u up but it made me remember that u used to be my dad's fishing buddy. and he woke up at ungodly hours so of course u do too._

(6:42)  _told u we weren't stangers_

(6:42)  **Hardly.**

(6:42)  **And you mean the other grumpy and rude detective who treats you with disdain?**

(6:43)  _aww carly did u look back through our msgs for an exact quote?_

(6:43)  **Wait, wait, wait... You're Shawn *Spencer*, aren't you? *That*** **Shawn?**

(6:43)  _now it feels like ur the psychic_

(6:44) **Well, I only ever fished with Henry Spencer, and not for long, but your description would have made me just as sure even if I had loads of fishing buddies.**

(6:44)  _u and my dad were "fishing buddies"? emphasis on the "buddies"_

(6:44)  **Not really. All he ever did was criticize my pole technique. Which is flawless by the way.**

(6:44)  **But I mean, how do you even criticize how a man holds his own pole?**

(6:45)  _i was going to say something but it's just too easy_

(6:45)  **What are you talking about?**

(6:45)  _nothing nothing_

(6:46) _anyway_

(6:47)  _i just guessed that u probably still go since u were fishing "buddies" w my dad for lyk 3 months_

(6:47)  _which, i mean if u like fishing enough to do that, then u probably like it enough to go by yourself and cont to wake up that early too_

(6:49)  **That's pretty good detective reasoning. Get that from your dad?**

(6:50)  _more than u know_

(6:50)  **?**

(6:50)  _so u gonna come see the star wars movie w me and gus?_

(6:51)  **Very subtle subject change.**

(6:51)  _i thought so_

(6:51)  **And no. Just because you know of me doesn't me you know me or I you.**

(6:52)  _fair enough_

(6:52)  _i was only half serious anyway, i just needed a reson to keep talking to u_

(6:52)  _i mean annoying u_

(6:53)  **You're not annoying me.**

(6:53)  **Anymore, I mean.**

(6:53)  **I got to go.**

(6:54)  _sure_

(6:54)  _do u still want me to stop txtn u or can i live text u what's happening during star wars?_

(6:54)  **No, you can still text me.**

(6:55)  **For the live texting. I may not want to go but those movies are classics.**

(6:55)  _of course_

(6:59)  _bye carlton_

_

(Tuesday, PM)

(9:55)  **I just understood the "buddies" thing. You're a child.**

(9:56)  _;p_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk when i'll update (i don't want to make any promises!) but i hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> also a big big thank you to everyone who left a comment or kudos! you are all v lovely and i'm sorry for not updating earlier! i'll try to respond to everyone personally from now on but the old ones i hadn't responded to before will probably not get a response since most were a variation of "update!" and i finally did haha.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I'm doing, but reviews help so much!!


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